Finding Balance

Today is one of those days when uncertainty creeps in. March in Sarasota is absolutely beautiful. The nights are in the low 60's and they days reach the high 70's to low 80's. Beautiful sunny skies, fresh clean air and the bottlebrush trees are blooming. The tree in our backyard seems to be a hub for the birds to stop and meet up again each year as they head north to their summer destination and while I have lived here long enough to know that pretty soon it will be so hot that I can't walk my dogs after 8 am, today is bliss.

I have moved many times and am not unfamiliar with the grief that comes with it. I know this and I understand that change includes losses, some bits we are happy to lose and others not so much. But my resolve once I have made a choice has always taken me through the process with a knowing that while I might miss some things the move is the right one. You see most of the moves in my past were the result of some circumstances externally in my life. Some were good like an exciting job prospect, and some were from challenges like finances, divorce, even death and being a single mom external pressures were an enormous part of my choices.

But this time is different. This time there is not one large external factor driving this decision. There are many smaller ones yes, but each day depending on which image shows up in my mind, I vacillate more than I have in past moves. I am a Libra (if you are into astrology) and it does seem to fit my personality. Libra is the scales and I am told we weigh things…a lot. I go back and forth over each and every little detail to the extreme exasperation to all those who are close to me. The good thing about this is once the decision is made I am solid and firm in it. So why am I struggling now?